Saturday, January 06, 2007

Revelation 1

- And he shall burn for all of time, knowing not what he should know


Why has no one ever told me that sunscreen expires! Looking back upon the multitude of times where I was burnt simply because the protective lotion I applied was deemed ineffective could almost make me cry… Almost…


Logically it never occurred to me that sunscreen would have a ‘best before’ let along an expiration date, and as a consequence of this absence of information I have burnt and peeled unnecessarily. I blame the media, its purpose is to inform the masses, hence I believe this is a gross oversight on their behalf.


I am unfortunately not one of the lucky ones, born with perfect healthy looking tanned skin. I am what I would refer to as a ‘pasty person’, a condition that my parents felt the need to tell me when I was five. This of course completely ruined my ambitions of becoming the first black woman president. We all have obstacles, mine just happen to be quite large.


I wouldn’t feel sorry for me too quickly, I mean my condition is severe, but I’m not quite english just yet. Although sometimes I do wonder…


I have tried to brown on a few occasions. Of course they were completely in vain, but the point of this story is I have tried. No matter my efforts the result turns out the same, me lying on my back not moving for a good week just to recover.


Burning no longer on the agenda


Till next we meet,
Paul

3 Misguided mentions... :

  1. bad_intelligence said...

    Although we are of the same pasty complexion, my realisation of this indeed fact came to me but months ago when, upon a time of great cleaning i discovered many tubes of sunscreen from '92 which had never been opened. Being of '92 quality graphics and branding the expiry date was placed in the ugliest position and ruined the whole design, but that’s another comment all together. Most people buy new sunscreen every year as they .. use it.

    You have not done this it seems leaving me with a few educated guesses as to why. 1) your are afraid of the sun and now get around town through sewer ducts and air vents, there fore you have no use for it, 2) you don't use sunscreen because you think it is silly and pointless because even when you do wear it you still get burnt, and lastly, 3) you are a gypsy and I need to collect your gypsy tears.

    Give me your gypsy tears you bastard!

  2. Morgen said...

    I used to tan up just fine.
    No I burn up just fine.
    The older I get, the more I rely on sunscreen. Which is probably a good thing, but still I love the look that a nice tan gives. Oh well...

    Thanks for adding me to your contacts in MyBlogLog -- I've done the same!
    ~mo

  3. Dale said...

    I look forward to slapping you and watching you recoil in pain. What good friend wouldn't do such a thing? What better way to be reminded of your mistakes so you don't make them again. :)