Friday, September 29, 2006

Life to me

To live the life that others live,
To live my life a lie.
To live my life the way I live,
I live my life to die.

Like many adolescents life has been cruel, its perverted jokes and intolerable vindictiveness has pummelled my emotion psyche to the point where I was no longer strong enough to keep it at bay. Yet I should not weep for me. My story is nothing in comparison with that of the unheard plights of others.

Mass genocide of entire races still continues across the world, famine and disease ravage all corners of the earth, and still I felt sorry for me. Why?

Hindsight is always 20/20, but at that point in my life I couldn’t put what I was going through into perspective. It always felt like no one else would understand, as if my pain, and by association story, was unique. But through life I have grown and become wiser as a result.

I don’t fear death, but I do fear dying (clarification: dying is a process to which death is the conclusion. Pain is not involved in death it is simply the release). It’s this fear that keeps us alive, fear that keeps us sane.

Fear controls a lot of things; it limits our experiences by diminishing our faith within ourselves. This reduction in self ability festers, breading doubt, which tends to seep into other aspects of our lives. Fear is the reason why i originally felt this way about myself. The future is a scary prospect; its uncertainty is for lack of a better word unsettling. The scariest thing of all, is the inability to see yourself within a future. Life without a tangible purpose becomes meaningless, but the lack of purpose is not the catalyst, merely an outcome from a larger problem.

For now that’s all I wish for you to know.

Till next we meet,


Objective view

I have had a debate recently whether a view could ever be objective, which of course it obviously can’t because no matter how many facts it is based upon it is still merely a perception biased by the viewer. But it got me thinking about the perceptions we have of others, and how well we really know people.

Humans are an amusing creature, we thrive on interaction and because of this we take certain measures to make sure our interaction with others continues. These measures often include time sacrificing tasks and withholding information.

People withhold information for many reasons, all of which eventually are designed to benefit them or the person with whom they are withholding the information. I am not classifying this as a bad thing; I myself do not divulge everything to all, but I am asking, do we withhold this information to create a perception we consciously desire or is it merely a copping mechanism as not to harm ourselves or others?

There are many things I do not wish to talk about, whether enforced by society’s standards or simply my unwillingness to open up. I myself have too many barriers, I defend my feelings with the use of sarcasm, yet this has not always been. It is something I have adapted to my personality which has now become its main focal point. I’m not sure whether I like this, it makes me seem unapproachable, yet at the time I believe that’s what its desired effect was.

One of my friends believes I analyse people too much, which I admittedly do, but not simply to evaluate whether an individual is worthy of my time, I have an inept desire to understand why they do the things they do and what catalysts initiate these things. By understanding to a certain extent I am able to foresee or extrapolate a basis for how they would react in other situations.

Secrets will always be kept, truths hidden and agendas disguised. This will never change, yet with all this hidden information and our current inabilities to detect how much is being withheld I ask you, how well can you ever really know a person?

Till next we meet,

Thursday, September 28, 2006


There are many things I hate in this world: escalators that don’t move, stupid people with no opinions, ignorant people with opinions ect… But went it comes to the over-abuse of words I just can’t stand it...

There are certain words that are thrown around too much to the point where they have become to lose their meaning. I reference these words as the big three (there are others but these are the main offenders and are the most likely ones you will run into):

1. Love

A touchy subject where anyone is involved. I believe love is an emotion that describes a euphoric state of being as a result from an external influence; it should only ever be said when meant and never to be applied to articles of clothing. Too many people associate the word love with their relationships because they feel it gives meaning to its existence and continuation. Love is allusive but most definitely real, using it with inappropriate referencing diminishes the effect that true love holds and tarnishes the validity of the current relationship.

2. Promise

The mere mention of the word makes me shiver, two syllables that holds enough power to bring a nation to its knees. The word promise has shifted from its original intention, once it meant something, now I’m not so sure. Broken promises scatter my life, they are a constant inevitability which I am afraid will never cease. An appeal to those of you who are reading, life is too short to promise the world.

3. Cute

I tire quickly of this word, like the others it has been abused to the point where its meaning has been stripped away, except it’s nearly at the point where it is soon to be abandoned. Paris Hilton is trying to replace it with ‘hot’ but its not going to happen you skanky cesspool.

The big three as told by me:


Till next we meet,


Laziness and dreams

I apologise for the original post, it was not one of my concoctions. A rude little boy whom will get his comeuppance very very soon has forced the responsibility of entertaining the masses upon me. Simply another duty I shall take in my stride.

I've decided to make my first (real) blog about my inability to complete things so you will have a deeper understanding of why it may take an extraordinary amount of time for new material to be posted (that’s Paul for you always thinking of others… lol by the way my name is Paul, now that that mystery is over with Nancy Drew can we continue with the current story). There was a prime example of my inability to keep on track, and my blatant disregard for a conceptual progression of thought.

It has always been this way, to the point where I’m contemplating whether I should finish this current blog. I know I’m not alone though, across our vast world there are others plagued by my dreaded disease ‘lazieitis’.

Lazieitis ~ a ravenous disease that plagues upon the effort of the willing, incapacitating there ability to perform a function for an extended period of time. Symptoms include: crankiness, loss of motor skills and mild rectal irritation

I’m astonished we haven’t formed a support group…

But there is hope for us all, a shining glimmer of light has broken forth from our depths of gloom, exceeding expectation as he rides a star to which we should all aspire. Abandoning reason and notions of self inadequacies his strength and courage of conviction to accomplish his dreams is something I shall always envy.

Mmm I kind of figured this would happen I’m finishing the post without really talking about what I initially wanted to… namely me. I guess there will be plenty of time for that later.

Till next we meet,



Exciting news! I'm starting my own blog! It will be full of insight and most likely many sarcastic comments/reviews on the things that (unfortunately for them) happen to come across my path.

This is your new must-read blog!

That is all *big brother voice*