Life to me

To live the life that others live,
To live my life a lie.
To live my life the way I live,
I live my life to die.

Like many adolescents life has been cruel, its perverted jokes and intolerable vindictiveness has pummelled my emotion psyche to the point where I was no longer strong enough to keep it at bay. Yet I should not weep for me. My story is nothing in comparison with that of the unheard plights of others.

Mass genocide of entire races still continues across the world, famine and disease ravage all corners of the earth, and still I felt sorry for me. Why?

Hindsight is always 20/20, but at that point in my life I couldn’t put what I was going through into perspective. It always felt like no one else would understand, as if my pain, and by association story, was unique. But through life I have grown and become wiser as a result.

I don’t fear death, but I do fear dying (clarification: dying is a process to which death is the conclusion. Pain is not involved in death it is simply the release). It’s this fear that keeps us alive, fear that keeps us sane.

Fear controls a lot of things; it limits our experiences by diminishing our faith within ourselves. This reduction in self ability festers, breading doubt, which tends to seep into other aspects of our lives. Fear is the reason why i originally felt this way about myself. The future is a scary prospect; its uncertainty is for lack of a better word unsettling. The scariest thing of all, is the inability to see yourself within a future. Life without a tangible purpose becomes meaningless, but the lack of purpose is not the catalyst, merely an outcome from a larger problem.

For now that’s all I wish for you to know.

Till next we meet,

Paul